Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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