There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
