Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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