I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
