Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
