I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
