He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My vagina is very pro this idea
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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