you turned your livingroom into a bong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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