We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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