Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
