This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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