Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
