i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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