Your face is a jimmy john
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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