Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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