The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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