She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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