Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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