I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just had sex bonerless
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
