when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
