DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
