So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
