I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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