Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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