apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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