So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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