He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
