i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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