We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
