I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
