9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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