So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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