I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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