When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
