I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
