Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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