Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize