Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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