just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
