the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
