Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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