There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
