So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
