THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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