I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
