I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
