She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
