Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize