I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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