Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
