suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
