she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
