I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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