I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
