I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
