Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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