well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
