TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
