I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
