I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
