Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
