I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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