i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
