He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
