Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
