shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
