you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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