don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
