I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
