cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
