Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
