I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
