There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
