That's when you crack a 10am beer
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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