I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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