Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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