my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
