My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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