That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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