Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
