I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my phone needs a breathalizer
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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