Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
