They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
