Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
