I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
