Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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