is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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